


Reflection

by cypress_tree



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Character Study, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, Introspection, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e13 Grad Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 17:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20100769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypress_tree/pseuds/cypress_tree
Summary: “I've been up since five.  Could not sleep.  Been thinking about...stuff, you know, last night.”Post “Grad Night.”  Patrick thinks about stuff.





	Reflection

“Goodnight, Patrick.”

Patrick exhales a long breath as David disappears into the motel. He laughs softly to himself, then purses his lips against a grin. He squeezes his hands tight on the steering wheel, and releases them. Another laugh escapes from his throat.

David kissed him. David leaned in and _kissed him_. Patrick feels like he’s on top of the world.

He puts the car in reverse and backs out of the parking lot, suddenly self-conscious about still being here, long minutes after David’s gone inside. Once he’s off the motel’s property, he sighs again, and can’t physically stop himself from grinning.

It was incredible. Tender and natural and chaste and everything good and sweet. It made him want more. More taste, more touch, more heat. He thinks about the feeling of David’s hand on his neck, long, ring-laden fingers pressed against his skin.

Patrick blinks back to attention, embarrassed at catching himself daydreaming—especially while driving. He pushes thoughts of David from his mind and turns his focus back to the road.

When he reaches Ray’s house, he pulls into the driveway and turns off the car. He leans back in his seat and closes his eyes, allowing himself to relive the moment as if it were happening all over again. He sees David make a small move towards him, then hesitate. He sees David lean in, more confident this time, and reach up, his hand coming to rest against Patrick’s neck, gripping him firm but gentle, pulling him close.

The kiss consumes Patrick’s mind.

He opens his eyes, his heart beating fast again, a small smile tugging at his lips. He’s about to head inside when he notices a tube of lip balm sitting in the passenger seat. It’s the kind they sell at the store, in David’s favorite flavor. Patrick takes out his phone.

**[sent 9:35pm]:**_ i think your lip balm fell out of your pocket_  
**[sent 9:35pm]:** _just found it in my car_

He waits for a moment, holding his breath. When David doesn’t immediately reply, Patrick checks his email and cleans out a few old messages from his inbox. That’s all the time it takes before David texts back.

**[David Rose 9:37pm]:** _how do you know i didn’t leave it behind on purpose as an excuse to see you again?_

Patrick smiles.

**[sent 9:37pm]** _you don’t need an excuse to see me again_

**[David Rose 9:38pm]** 😊😊😊

**[sent 9:38pm]** _you know, since we work together_

**[David Rose 9:39pm]** _ugh_  
**[David Rose 9:39pm]** _you are TERRIBLE at flirting_

Patrick laughs. It’s so _easy_ to flirt with David—and it feels so good. This isn’t the complicated social game that he tried to avoid all throughout high school. Flirting with David comes naturally. Teasing him comes secondhand.

Patrick slips his phone into his pocket and puts David’s lip balm on the dashboard so he’ll remember it the next morning. When he enters Ray’s house, the TV is playing commercials. Ray is in the kitchen, and looks up over the door of the refrigerator.

“Patrick!” he says. He gives Patrick a quick glance up and down. “Don’t you look nice! Dinner with a client?”

“Uh—” Patrick’s heart starts to race, his brain doing mental gymnastics as he tries to figure out what to say. He could lie, but that feels so wrong. Lying is what he’s been trying to escape. Lying is the reason he left home.

“I had a date, actually,” he says.

“Oooo…” Ray waggles his eyebrows. “Anyone I know? Please keep in mind that I know everyone in town and most of the population of Elmdale.”

Patrick lets out a nervous laugh. “Uh—yeah, but telling you so soon just seems like bad luck, so…”

Ray nods, as if this makes total sense. “I understand. Well, I hope you had a good time with whoever they were.” He ducks back into the refrigerator.

_Whoever they were._

Ray didn’t assume anything. He acknowledged that Patrick’s date might not be a girl, but he didn’t make a big deal about it. Patrick doesn’t have a history here. He’s a blank slate, and he’s never been so thankful for it.

Patrick wanders into the kitchen. He wants to say something. He wants to have the courage to say _yeah, I had a date and it was with a guy_. But it’s not as if he and Ray have talked much about their personal lives. Would telling Ray about his date be TMI? Would Ray think it’s weird? Patrick looks around the kitchen a little aimlessly. He catches sight of the kettle and flicks it on.

Ray is spooning leftovers into a plastic container. The kitchen is small, and Patrick knows he’s in the way. His words tumble out.

“Uh, it was a guy,” he says. He clears his throat. “My date. I had a date with a guy.”

Ray doesn’t even flinch. He snaps a lid onto his container and puts it in the refrigerator, then turns around to face Patrick.

“Oh, is that a hint? Did you want me to guess?”

Patrick shakes his head and lets out a startled laugh. “No, no—sorry, I just—I don’t know why I told you that.” He looks away and grabs his favorite mug from their extensive combined mug collection. He shoves in a teabag and stares at the kettle, willing it to boil so he can leave the kitchen and escape this awkward situation he’s created for himself.

“Was it a good date?” Ray asks.

Patrick smiles. “Yeah,” he says, quietly. “It was great.”

“Where did you go?”

“The café.”

“Hmm. That wouldn’t have been my first choice.”

Patrick chuckles. The kettle boils, and he fills his mug, dipping the teabag slowly up and down.

“If you need recommendations next time, please ask. I know several restaurant owners who would appreciate the business. Just make sure to use my name as a referral.”

“Thanks, Ray.”

“Best to mention me several times, actually. It’s very important to maintain healthy, mutually-beneficial relationships between small business owners.”

“Got it.” Patrick fixes his tea just the way he likes it, but lingers in the kitchen entryway. “Hey, um—you’re the first one I’ve told about this, so—”

Ray shakes his head. “Oh, I won’t tell anyone else. One time, I accidentally outed my brother to the entire Pembina Trails Teachers’ Association. Still not entirely sure how that happened, but there was a nice cake for him in the Teacher’s Lounge on Monday, so it turned out fine.”

“Um—”

“He didn’t bring me any, even though we were seeing each other later that night. Sometimes I still joke with him—_Brian, where’s my cake!_ But I don’t really expect anything.”

“Okay. Well, thanks. Again.”

“No problem.”

Patrick nods a goodbye and goes up to his room, closing the door behind him and setting his mug down on the nightstand. He flops backwards onto his bed and stares up at the ceiling.

Did he just come out to his landlord?

He shakes the thought from his head. It’s fine. He’s not going to worry about it. Maybe it was a strange first choice, but this is the new Patrick Brewer. The Patrick Brewer who dates men and isn’t afraid to tell anyone.

Patrick closes his eyes. He thinks about David sitting beside him in the car, looking thoughtful. He remembers the blood rushing through his veins, every muscle in his body screaming at him to kiss David. He sees David lean in, and remembers how his heart jumped in his chest, how he met David halfway with relief. He remembers the rough scratch of David’s stubble, the smell of his skin. The slow, gentle press of his lips.

Patrick can’t help himself—he picks up his phone.

**[sent 10:12pm]** _i can’t stop thinking about it, _he texts. David responds right away.

**[David Rose 10:12pm]** _neither can i_

Patrick stares at his phone until the screen goes dark. He wonders what David is doing right now. Is he telling Alexis all about their date? Is he lying in bed, unable to sleep? Maybe it’s a little early for that. Maybe he’s getting ready for bed. Maybe he’s in the bathroom, about to shower, texting Patrick shirtless, skin damp from the steam filling the room, putting down his phone so he can peel off his tight black—

Patrick sits up. His heart is beating a mile a minute, and he can’t ignore the fact that he’s a little turned on. He can’t remember the last time someone made him feel like this. He’s not sure anyone ever has.

His phone dings with another text alert.

**[David Rose 10:14pm]** _okay so i’m assuming you meant the kiss_  
**[David Rose 10:14pm]** _and i’m hoping you meant it in a good way_

**[sent 10:14pm]** _of course i did_

**[David Rose 10:15pm]** ❤️  
**[David Rose 10:15pm]** _that was a very good kiss_

Patrick feels light-headed. Like his insides have turned to helium, and he’s about to float away.

**[sent 10:16pm]** _i thought so, too_  
**[sent 10:16pm]** _i hope there’s more where that came from_

**[David Rose 10:17pm]** _oh don’t worry, there’s plenty_

**[sent 10:17pm]** 😊

**[David Rose 10:20pm]** _so what are you up to?_  
**[David Rose 10:20pm]** _how does patrick brewer end his day?_

Patrick climbs into bed and leans back against his pillow.

**[sent 10:21pm]** _having some tea, talking to you_  
**[sent 10:21pm]** _that’s it_

**[David Rose 10:21pm**] _cute_  
**[David Rose 10:22pm]** _wish i could say the same, but i’m actually waiting for alexis to get out of the bathroom_  
**[David Rose 10:22pm]** _she’s taking forever_

**[sent 10:23pm]** _i’m sorry to hear that_

**[David Rose 10:23pm]** _i have to take a shower and do a 10 step skincare routine_  
**[David Rose 10:23pm]** _if she takes any longer i’m not getting to bed before midnight_

**[sent 10:23pm]** _here’s an idea_  
**[sent 10:24pm]** _cut back on the skincare routine_

**[David Rose 10:24pm]** _ i’m sorry, did you WANT a second date????_

Patrick bites his lip against a grin.

**[sent 10:24pm]** _i do_  
**[sent 10:24pm]** _i really do_

**[David Rose 10:25pm]** _then you’d better reevaluate your extremely incorrect opinions about skincare_

**[sent 10:25pm]** _you’re gorgeous, david_

David doesn’t respond right away. It makes Patrick a little nervous, but he knows how David gets with compliments. A little flustered, and very skeptical of their sincerity.

**[David Rose 10:27pm]** _thank you_  
**[David Rose 10:27pm]** _it’s the 10 steps worth of skincare_

Patrick shakes his head and sets his phone aside. He takes off his clothes and tosses them into the hamper, then walks down the hall in his boxers and t-shirt. Ray is laughing at his favorite sitcom downstairs, so Patrick has the bathroom to himself. He closes the door behind him and looks at his reflection in the mirror.

When Patrick was 16, Rachel kissed him. It felt nice. He liked being wanted, and he liked being able to make someone happy. Rachel blushed and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him again. They spent an hour just making out on Rachel’s mom’s sofa. It was fun, but when Patrick went home that night, he stared at himself in a mirror just like this one. He wondered why it felt like something was missing.

Patrick brushes his teeth and splashes cold water onto his face. He goes back to his bedroom and checks his phone. David hasn’t texted. It’s getting late now. He gets under the covers and turns out the light.

His phone dings.

**[David Rose 10:50pm]** _alexis is done, it’s skincare time_  
**[David Rose 10:50pm]** _goodnight patrick_

**[sent 10:50pm]** _sleep well david_

Patrick plugs in his phone and turns onto his side so he won’t be staring at it, willing a text to come through. He closes his eyes, then opens them and looks at the wall. His body is tired, but his mind feels restless. His phone dings behind him.

**[David Rose 10:55pm]** ❤️

Patrick’s want for David is a physical ache.

**[sent 10:55pm]** ❤️

He puts the phone back down.

Relationships have never felt like this. Not with Rachel, not with any of the admittedly few women that his friends could convince him to rebound with. He’s never felt so overwhelmed—_consumed_ by his feelings for another person. Even during the happiest times with Rachel, it was always just _nice_. Kissing her was nice. Sex was—at its best—nice.

What would sex with David be like? Patrick hasn’t allowed himself to think about it. It feels a little weird. Like he’s going too far. Like he’s being disrespectful towards David. Still, his mind conjures the same image from earlier—David in the steamy motel bathroom, taking off his sweater, a black t-shirt underneath clinging to the planes of his body. He imagines David’s hands unzipping his pants. His fingers—the fingers that had pressed firmly against Patrick’s neck—working quickly, thumbs slipping into his waistband and pulling his pants down over his hips. He’s wearing black boxer briefs. Patrick squeezes his eyes shut tighter. His heart is racing. He imagines David taking off the t-shirt. Revealing his sweat-sheened skin.

Patrick is getting hard. He turns over in bed, erasing the thought from his mind and wondering why he feels so guilty.

He _wants_ to have sex with David. He really does. It’s just...

Ray’s footsteps creak up the stairs. Patrick looks at his clock. It’s 11:45—practically midnight. And he has to get up at seven so he can be ready to open the store on time. He presses his face into his pillow and groans.

Ray goes into the bathroom, and Patrick can hear the distant sound of running water and objects clicking against the linoleum. He tries not to think of anything until Ray is gone. He doesn’t know why. Finally, he hears the toilet flush and the door open. Ray closes his bedroom door, and Patrick lets out a long breath.

He needs to go to sleep.

He tries to imagine something calming. Comfortable. David sitting in bed next to him, reading a book. David’s always talking about some book or other that he’s in the middle of. Patrick imagines him turning the pages slowly, a tiny frown between his eyebrows. He imagines David gasping at a plot twist, laughing at a good joke. Reading a passage aloud because he likes the way it sounds. He imagines David’s eyes fluttering closed. Setting the book aside and turning off the light. Slipping beneath the covers and curling up against Patrick to sleep.

What would it be like to fall asleep next to David?

Patrick looks at the empty pillow beside him. He remembers spending the night with Rachel. How she’d fall asleep with her head on his chest. How he’d stay up for hours afterwards, glad that she wasn’t awake to hear the anxious beating of his heart.

He can’t believe how long it took to realize that something wasn’t right.

Patrick closes his eyes. He’s not going to hide anymore, or lie about who he is, even to himself. This is the new Patrick Brewer. The Patrick Brewer who just had a date with a guy he’s been crushing on for months. The Patrick Brewer who got a kiss, and kissed back, and loved it. The Patrick Brewer who’s gay. The Patrick Brewer who’s always been gay.

He takes a deep breath and feels his body start to relax. He’ll see David tomorrow, and he can’t wait. Sleep tugs at him. He imagines David kissing him goodnight. Kissing him good morning. His breaths start to steady. David’s palm against his neck. David’s fingers on his skin. It’s so late, and he’s so sleepy. David’s smile. David’s whisper.

_“Goodnight Patrick.”_

Finally, Patrick drifts off to sleep.

\---

**Author's Note:**

> hi schitt's creek fandom, i'm new here!! you can find me at [@cypress_trees](https://twitter.com/cypress_trees) on twitter or [cypress-tree](https://cypress-tree.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. [noah and dan voice] gay rights!!!!


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